James Blunt has a new album out!

Oh no! Best familiarise yourself with the video so that you know what to do in an emergency.

The album's called "Some Kind of Trouble" and he seems to have gotten sneaky this time because his face isn't on the cover. This is presumably an attempt to trick the more foolish of us into buying it in the mistaken belief that it's, I don't know, a mis-printed Dinosaur Jr. B-sides compilation? So to make sure you're ahead of the game, keep an eye out for this image:

If you see it at your local music store, the generally accepted protocol is to cover the album with another album by a better artist. Blur, Blondie and the B-52s are all popular choices due to their alphabetical proximity, but don't be afraid to get creative! There's nothing more fun than the thought of a James Blunt fan scouring HMV for their idol's new masterpiece, working their way from B to Bl to Blu, only to be greeted by a Cannibal Corpse album.

There's already been debate in the house as to whether we should be so afraid of James Blunt or if, on the contrary, we owe him our props because he prevented World War III. I'm sure you've all worked out where I stand by this point, so if you are a fan then feel free to ignore this warning, buy the album, even go and see him live at St. David's Hall on February the 24th if you're that into him. If you think my disdain for the Bluntster is totally unfounded, then by all means hit Hell No! and never read the blog again.

As for the rest of you, here is a song I have written in the style of James Blunt. It's called:

Watching Over Me

Who can say?

Who can say when will come the day,

When everything that we know changes?

I loved you,

I loved you and you loved me too,

But you could never see this through.

And the day it died,

Well of course I cried,

But I won't stay down,

I won't come untied,

There's still hope, you'll see,

You'll come back to me,

There's an angel watching over me,

There's an angel watching over me,

Oh, oh.

There's a chance,

There's a chance that it could all go back,

To the way it was before I lacked.

Do you hear?

Do you hear my song in your bed at night?

Do you wish somehow it could be alright?

And the day it died,

Well of course I cried,

But I won't stay down,

I won't come untied,

There's still hope, you'll see,

You'll come back to me,

There's an angel watching over me,

There's an angel watching over me,

Oh, oh.

Is it true?

Is it true that I could be with you,

'Cause it all seems lost, so can love come through?

And the day it died,

Well of course I cried,

But I won't stay down,

I won't come untied,

There's still hope, you'll see,

You'll come back to me,

So I'll close my eyes,

And I'll count to three,

I took up my cares,

With The Man Upstairs,

And he said that he would make repairs,

Did I make mistakes?

Did you make them too?

Are there angels watching over you?

And if it's all over,

Will they get you through?

* * *

So there we are. James Blunt.

Joel.

P.S. As wrong as it seems to even mention them in the same blog post as James Blunt, Titus Andronicus are an excellent band for whose live show I am going all the way to Bristol tomorrow. I am about 7/10 excited right but I expect this to climb rapidly over the next 24 hours.

Tinny Timber

Last night was spent the way I seem to end up spending most of Friday nights recently - playing Fifa in Cliffey's room. Now as I believe I have previously mentioned here, I'm not the best at Fifa, and Cliffey and Tom were doing their best to put me off my game even further by bombarding me with Akon songs. I was not best pleased; Right Now is alright but that was the first song on the album, and there was a lot of crap to wade through afterwards. To make matters worse, once they'd tired of Akon they made a start on the Tinie Tempah.

Actually, forget "make matters worse". Tinie Tempah is better than Akon in my book (although that's not saying much), and I think his appeal comes mostly from his lyrics. Some of them are very silly indeed. I made the claim last night that anyone could write lyrics like that - it's just an assortment of arbitrary statements about his life. Cliffey said I should write my next blog in the style of a Tinie Tempah song, so that's what I'm gonna do. It was gonna be called Friday (Against All Odds) but looking at the Disc-Overy tracklist I don't think TT really does brackets, so instead it's simply called:

Against All Odds

I got uni at eleven in the morning
I gotta write a song and then make a recording
I make a techno track you cannot say is boring
The beat is thumping and the melodies are soaring

But there's a problem when I try to have a listen
The music cuts out like there's half a second missing
And while I'm fixing it I realise that I'm missing
Lunch with my girlfriend who I'd much rather be kissing

But against all odds
There can be no doubt
Give me forty-five minutes
And I'll sort this out
Yeah against all odds
I'll put up a fight
I'll give it everything I got
And it'll be alright

So now I gotta burn it onto CD
Sarah's waiting so I know I must be speedy
But there's more problems jumping out at me like 3D
'Cause when I try to go on Windows Medi

(a Player)

It says says my song ain't the right format
And let me tell you I don't motherfucking like that
I don't like iTunes 'cause the Mac lab ain't my habitat
And I gotta do this all in five minutes flat

But against all odds
There can be no doubt
Even in five minutes
I can sort this out
Yeah against all odds
I'll put up a fight
I'll give it everything I got
And it'll be alright

So I hand in my CD at the reception
I'm under pressure like I'm running for election
I call my baby up, I'm ready for redemption
I wanna cut this morning out like a c-section

We go to Queen Street for a cuppa and a sit down
We go to Caffé Nero, I feel like a hero
Such an awful morning, total utter zero
But there ain't none of that bullshit here, oh

'Cause against all odds
There can be no doubt
Give me forty-five minutes
And I'll sort this out
Yeah against all odds
I'll put up a fight
I'll give it everything I got
And it'll be alright
It'll be alright
It'll be alright
Flying like a kite
It'll be alright
Yeah.

Joel.

Is It Acceptable To Spoon (When Someone's In The Room)?

You've got your baby by your side,
You're in the mood for some romance,
But can you show her how you feel,
When you've got an audience?

Is it acceptable to spoon,
When there's someone in the room?
Is it impolite to hold her tight,
When you're not alone?

It's a fork in the road,
But though the road of love must wind,
You can't let these forks distract you,
When you've got other cutlery in mind.

Is it acceptable to spoon,

When there's someone in the room?

Is it impolite to hold her tight,

When you're not alone?

Never gonna get another moment like this,

When you're close enough to touch.

FEMALE VOCALS:

I wonder if the world minds knowing

Just how hot our blood is flowing,

'Cause even though I know it isn't right,

God knows I can't resist your charms,

So if I fall into your arms,

Can you promise me I won't regret this night?

MALE & FEMALE TOGETHER:

Is it acceptable to spoon,

When there's someone in the room?

MALE (FEMALE):

Is it impolite,

(Though it feels so right)

To hold her tight,

(When you're not in private)

Never gonna get another moment like this,

When you're close enough to touch,

So please forgive me friend,

For being so intense,

But I just love her too much.