Today's reading is taken from the Book of Tesco.
Cliffey took his friends to Tesco that they might do a big shop, for the wares there were low of price and moderately good of quality. Cliffey, Joel, Sarah and Pete were those who went. In the midst of the big shop Cliffey and Pete left to take Andy, known to Cliffey as a fellow disciple of St. John, into the town of Cardiff. During this period, Joel and Sarah were left to wonder the shop alone, steering both Joel's trolley and Cliffey's trolley. While Cliffey was away, Joel and Sarah put a coconut in his trolley, and Cliffey saw that the jest was good, and the coconut, being of modest price, was bought.
In the aisle of toys and other such leisures, Sarah came upon a Mr. Bump plush, and said "I love this Mr. Bump plush, for he is soft and huggable," and with some nudges and suggestion from Pete, Joel came to buy the plush for Sarah. And lo, he was blessed with packets of custard powder for 6 pence.
In the aisle of herbs, spices and marinades, Pete did express his disdain for Joel's choice of marinade. He did say that lemon & herb is ungodly and that a more flavoursome sauce wouldst be more enjoyable, suggesting BBQ chicken. Joel didst retort that he would stick with the lemon and herb, and maybe even use it on a fish dish rather than chicken. And from Pete there came much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
In the aisle of canned goods, Cliffey did find an inexpensive-looking can of curry sauce. He enquired as to its price and was told by Joel that the price was 8 pence. "I must buy ten!" Cliffey exclaimed, and he did fill his arms.
In the cake aisle the Devil did appear to Sarah and she were sore tempted by his rich chocolate celebration cakes for under two pounds. But Joel did chide his woman for her temptation and they ended up getting a microwavable chocolate brownie thing instead. It was not the best.
Joel was enjoying the benefits of a student loan, and his trolley was filled with crisps, and blackcurrant high juice, and two for one bagels, and salmon burgers, and tiger bread, and crumpets, and sausages, and value yoghurt, and biscuits, blank CDs, and Fairy liquid, and apple crumble, and seafood sticks, and peanut butter, and Ricicles, and Tesco's Finest yoghurt, and a Toy Story CD for Cliffey, and tuna, and drinking chocolate, and many bags of pasta, and several other things, and the whole bunch did cost fifty-two pounds and sixty-six pence, but keep in mind that this included a ten pound Mr. Bump plushie so in reality this figure is slightly skewed.
Upon returning home, Cliffey did have a torrid time trying to fit all his purchases in his small cupboard. But, with God's help and some Tetris-like re-arranging, he did accomplish this. "This stock shall surely last me some weeks," he did declare. And Tim, who was about, did enquire as to whether Joel had purchased a marker pen that he might start chalking up the man points. And the answer that came was no, and Tim said "verily, thou art a div."
P.S. The guy from Lostprophets was there.
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