Elaboration

Alright then, birthday weekend.


Saturday was Bristol Zoo. My family came in the car to pick me and Sarah up, and off we went. We listened to songs from the 60s on the way there.

It had been a while since I'd been to a zoo, and I'd forgotten how much fun they could be. We saw lions and monkeys and penguins and seals and flamingoes and meerkats and lemurs and prarie dogs and snakes and pufferfish and gorillas and red pandas and chicken frogs and monitor lizards and bird-eating spiders and a butterfly landed on my leg and Sarah took many many photos, which I imagine will go up on Facebook as soon as we pay the Virgin bill and they give us our internet back.

On the way back from Bristol, we hit up Penylan library and took out a couple of DVDs to watch (after much deliberation and debate). That evening we watched Burlesque, featuring Cher and Christina Aguilera who were okay but very much upstaged by Stanley Tucci (a.k.a. the dad from Easy A). We paused the film halfway through to enjoy my pre-birthday cheesecake; apparently I would be getting my actual birthday cake from another source. Sarah and my mum knew something that I didn't.


So yesterday was my actual birthday and, even though I'm 20 now, I feel pretty much the same as I did when I was a teenager. Hopefully that should allay any of your fears if you're still 19 (I wish I were still 19; my childhood is over. I can't believe I'll never be young again!)

There were many presents, including Liverpool shirts, the Extras boxset, albums by PJ Harvey, Bon Iver, Radiohead, and R.E.M. (the latter on vinyl), all 6 Scott Pilgrim books in a nifty boxset with a poster, some awesome old man pyjamas (exactly my style), a coat that makes me feel like I'm in the Editors, and of course a clarinet, which Tom is going to show me how to play, maybe.

On to the birthday meal. Harvester has kind of lost its novelty, and the folks at TGI's have a nasty habit of singing to you on your birthday, so, at Sarah's recommendation, we decided to try something new and headed to Frankie & Benny's on Newport Road. It was very nice indeed; I had a cajun chicken pasta bake, followed by this insane cookie thing with ice cream and berries.

Frankie & Benny's left us very very full, but rather than go home and collapse we opted to go to Pets At Home and look at the fuzzy animals. It was like Bristol Zoo all over again - they even had pufferfish! Sarah and I were rather taken with the Degus, but decided that a student house was probably no environment for a little mouse, and decided to leave the pets for another day.

Back home, we watched The Other Guys (the other fim from the library) before heading back to Tewkesbury Place to set up for the evening.

There was to be no huge house rave, just a few people gathering in a place to play Mario Party 2 and say how much they like me. But we had a problem - we had lost the Mario Party cartridge.

Cue much wailing and gnashing of teeth. We enlisted the help of Mark and Josh (who arrived before anyone else) and turned the hunt into a party game of sorts, scouring the living room and sifting through the debris in Ciffey's room in search of that game. But it was nowhere to be seen; my brother's friend Jacob had lent us Mario Party 1 as a contingency plan, but dammit, that just wasn't the same.


So spirits were greatly lifted when I summoned up some previously untapped might to lift one of the sofas up and Josh, peeking underneath, cried out that he had spotted it. Success!

Tom and Jen and Tim and Anna soon joined the party, and pretty soon I had accrued a LOT of cake. Mark had brought a chocolate birthday cake from his work, and Jen had made piles and piles and piles of little fairy cake things. Having spoken to my mum today, she was at least partially in on this plan, and had relinquished the cheesecake a day early so as not to overwhelm me on the big day.

We played couples' Mario Party Drinking Game for a while - one person playing, one drinking - but eventually Anna left, Tim was left on his own, and the game descended into chaos. So we abandoned it and just sat around chatting. And singing, and rapping - I got hold of Pete's guitar and Tom and I did a rendition or two of all our most popular hits.

And that brings us just about up to present. Nobody really stayed over (well, Sarah and Tom and Jen did, obviously, but they would have done anyway) but it still had a bit of a slumber party feel to it, mostly thanks to the commitment of people like Tim and Josh who had brought pyjamas to change into even though they would have to change back out of them again before the night was over. The whole weekend, in fact, was excellent times, and in all seriousness, I'm not worried about the passing of my teenagerdom. I never acted much like a teenager anyway, and I don't expect to start acting like a proper grown-up now.

Joel.

69 Christmas Songs

Welcome to Cutlery's 69th Post Extravaganza! A couple of nights ago Sarah, Cliffey and I fired up the Christmas music and got into the festive feel. Admittedly it didn't take us long to give up on the seasonal stuff and move on to exciting-sounding covers from the Live Lounge archive and Biffy Clyro*, but the point is that I've ripped my 101 Christmas Songs compilation to the temporary computer and that means that it's about time you started giving your ears the gift of Christmas music, too. So, as it's our 69th post, I give you:

69 Christmas Songs

1. Bing Crosby - White Christmas
   Obviously. Apparently Bing Crosby was the greatest musical entrepreneur of the 20th Century, what with his early investment in magnetic tape and all, so show the man some respect. Last year was a white Christmas, if I remember correctly. There's a musical based on this (unless the musical came first, I'm not sure); I went to see it at the WMC a few years ago and coughed right through it.
2. Tom Lehrer - A Christmas Carol
   An old favourite of mine about the true meaning of Christmas. My dad introduced me to Mr. Lehrer when I was about 11 and I've never looked back. You may know him for The Elements song; I think it was on The Big Bang Theory or something.
3. Greg Lake - I Believe In Father Christmas
   Perhaps my favourite Christmas song of all time. Of all time! It's criminal how many people don't recognise it when I tell them that. The instrumental bit between verses is 'Troika' from Lieutenant Kije. I played it for my Grade 5 trumpet exam, which I passed with honours thank you very much.
4. Mud - Lonely This Christmas
   Cliffey's rocking this one currently. It sound like Elvis but it's not. I like the spoken word bit towards the end, it's very country music-sounding.
5. Steeleye Span - Gaudete
   As with Greg Lake, I was surprised when I realised how few people know this one. Tom and I did a techno Christmas mashup on Cubase a couple of years ago and he was a bit puzzled by my Gaudete section. Which kicked ass, I might add, especially the way I seamlessly managed to slot a few bars of Funkytown into the mix.
6. The Flaming Lips - Christmas at the Zoo
   Sadly they didn't play this one at Green Man but whatever. It remains a heartwarming tale of doing it your own way...at Christmas. At the zoo.
7. King's College Choir - The Angel Gabriel
   I went busking the other day and once I'd played through all the well-known songs in my book, I thought I'd flex my sight-reading and take a stab at some of the tunes I hadn't heard of. I started playing this one and, to my surprise, it turned out to be a song that Tom and I had sung in the St. Teilo's choir two Christmasses ago! I can still remember Mr. Pratt begging us not to sing "most highly flavoured gravy". 
8. The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York
   Another obvious choice but I felt I had to include it. It's one of the best Christmas songs ever, no doubt, and the intro still makes me shiver. However, for the title of Best Christmas Duet...
9. The Hives & Cyndi Lauper - A Christmas Duel
   ...I'd say this one pips it to the post. Josh showed me this one last year, and for that I both thank and curse him because I've been singing it to myself nonstop for a good few weeks now.
10. The Magnetic Fields - Everything Is One Big Christmas Tree
    Well I couldn't call it 69 Christmas Songs without including Merritt and co. in the proceedings. This one's off Realism, which came out this January, and is a whole lot of fun. It even has a verse in German.
11. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You
    My Chemical Romance do a cover of this but I've not heard it and as I'm in Central Library at the moment I'm in no position to listen to it. So I'm going with the Mariah original because it's awesome and bouncy and immense fun to sing at the top of your voice, if you can hit those notes. Or even if you can't. Lost the 1994 Christmas #1 race to East 17, the bastards.
12. Allan Sherman - The Twelve Gifts of Christmas
    Yes, it's another comedic comment on crass Christmas commercialism but cut off my coccyx if it isn't compelling. I personally prefer this to the song it's parodying because eventually he just gives up on listing everything he's already mentions and sticks with "...and all that other stuff".
13. John Denver & The Muppets - Little Saint Nick
    We still have this tape somewhere and oh my word was this an inspired collaboration. I don't even think John Denver was in on this track but it still beats out the Beach Boys' version because that one doesn't have Animal going "RUN RUN REINDEER" in the background.
14. Nat 'King' Cole - The Christmas Song
    Another oldie, another goodie. There aren't many other songs that I can hear as much as I've heard this one over the past couple of weeks and still love.
15. Half Man Half Biscuit - It's Clichéd To Be Cynical At Christmas
    I actually quoted this song title at Pete about a week ago when he was moaning about Christmas adverts. Great band, and song, and fan-made video actually. I think Josh has a video of Llama Invasion playing this song in The Gower last year.
16. Alvin & The Chipmunks - Christmas Don't Be Late
    It's not a patch on their various theme songs but oh well, they're not particularly Christmassy so this will have to do.
17. Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody
    I always think of this song and the Wizzard Christmas song as being bitter rivals, perpetually warring for some Christmas #1 spot long in the past. Slade took first prize back in 1973 and I for one think they deserved it. Slade win by virtue of brevity; I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday is just too damn long. Plus the guy from Wizzard shouting "okay you lot, take it!" has nothing on Noddy Holder shouting "IT'S CHRIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAS!" So yeah.
18. Mike Oldfield - In Dulci Jubilo
    An instrumental one now. Mike Oldfield is best known for Tubular Bells (that's Theme from 'The Exorcist' to you and me) but this one is fantastic too. It's an old old standard but it's reimagined here and made a shade poppier. My gran was very impressed to find that I could play this on piano, more or less by ear. YES I'M AN AWESOME MUSICIAN SHUT UP.
19. Chris Rea - Driving Home For Christmas
    According to Sarah's dad, Chris Rea is "shit hot". Except, presumably, in December, when he's probably rather cold. Lawl. This is my and Soph's song, because we were listening to it in Patsy last year and I misheard one of the lyrics and, well, these mistakes haunt you forever. Who wouldn't want to be "top to toe in Tipp-Ex"?
20. Spice Girls - Christmas Wrapping
    Sarah's blood ran cold when I told her about the Spice Girls rapping. It needn't have. This is good. Not by them originally, but good. Much better than their minimalist version of Sleigh Ride, in which one of the daft bints professes that "you can do anything you want at Christmas, as long as it's good". Oh. Okay.
21. Bach Choir - See Amid The Winter's Snow
    I hope you'll forgive me my love for these churchy choiry Christmas songs. My dad used to be a minister, you see, so I've had a fair bit of exposure to them over the years. I re-discovered this one while busking yesterday, and jeez I love that high bit in the middle.
22. "Weird Al" Yankovic - The Night Santa Went Crazy
    More fan-made video goodness. I've gone with this one over Christmas At Ground Zero, because it's marginally less scary. Marginally.
23. Mogwai - Christmas Steps
    Christmassy in no way bar the title, and it takes a while to get started, but give it time. It's a staple of my Christmas playlists, and lots of fun on Christmas Eve night. I think it's named after some stairs in Glasgow, but ignore that and pretend that those heavy bass notes are meant to represent Santa's footsteps in the hallway downstairs.
24. Chris de Burgh - A Spaceman Came Travelling
    Bill Bailey would have you believe that you're meant to hate Mr. de Burgh, and you might feel dirty for liking this song, but it's okay. If you ignore Lady In Red, Chris de Burgh can actually be pretty rockin'. Don't Pay The Ferryman is one example; this is another, albeit a slightly more relaxed one.
25. Futurama - Elves' Song
    From the Season 3 episode A Tale of Two Santas. This is sung after Bender agrees to take on the role of Santa, and the elves re-open their toy factory. I should point out that in the Futurama-verse, Santa is an evil robot who judges everyone to be naughty and wreaks havoc and destruction every year. But you already knew that.
26. Eels - Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas
    Judging by the video I assume this song was featured in The O.C. It just about beats out the other Eels choice, Christmas Is Going To The Dogs, which was featured in The Grinch but doesn't feature the line "Baby Jesus, born to rock!" and hence isn't as good.
27. Johnny Mathis - When A Child Is Born
    "Bad but brilliant"? Fuck you, The Hits! This is just awesome, mostly because of Mathis' voice but also because of those little flute twinkles in the intro and the spoken word bit in the middle. It could perhaps do without the monologue at the start but in a way that makes it all the more comforting. I think this is one of my gran's favourites.
28. Kay Starr - (Everybody's Waitin' For) The Man With The Bag
    Hadn't heard this swingin' number until last year when my 101 Christmas Songs compilation came along, and then it popped up on one of the adverts I think. One of the more actually Christmassy songs on said compilation, I mean what's the theme from From Russia With Love got to do with anything?
29. Melanie Thornton - Wonderful Dream (Holidays Are Coming)
    The full version of the song from the Coke advert. It's not brilliant but I thought you guys might find it interesting.
30. Bruce Springsteen - Merry Christmas Baby
    Rarely has the Boss been so funky, but I guess Christmas brings these things out of people. "Well Santa come down the chimney/Half three!/With lots of nice little presents for my/Baby and me!" Woohoo.
31. Banjo-Kazooie - Freezeasy Peak
    I personally preferred Banjo-Tooie, with its darker storyline and unsurpassable multi-player mode (better than GoldenEye? Perhaps...), but then again it didn't have this music in any of the levels. Playing on Freezeasy Peak in any month other than December just makes you long for the year to go faster.
32. John Prine - Christmas In Prison
    I discovered this song on a CD that came free with Uncut magazine. Apparently Bob Dylan played it on his radio show. It's a bit country but don't let that put you off, it's a lovely song and it may just bring the smallest tear to your eye, especially if you've ever spent Christmas in prison.
33. Band Aid 20 - Do They Know It's Christmas?
    Most scholars agree that this isn't a patch on the original but hear me out. This was the last Christmas #1 before The X Factor sat on it for four years. It remains the last UK Christmas #1 to actually have anything to do with Christmas. A lot of people were fairly proud of themselves for getting Killing In The Name to the top spot last year, but I reckon we'd have been sending a bigger message had we gone with this. Not only because it was the last Christmas #1 before blah blah blah, but also because we'd be saying to Simon & Friends, "Look, we'd sooner buy this terrible rubbish than your bland factory pop." Although Pete informs me that a bunch of artists have gotten together to re-record 4'33", and buying silence would probably send a bigger message again. But will that have Busted or the drummer from Supergrass? Probably not.
34. Al Green - What Christmas Means To Me
    YouTube seems to favour Stevie Wonder's version but the one I know is by Al Green so I'm going with that. I was just surprised to discover that he didn't just use Christmas as another excuse for gettin' some. He's pure (and a reverend, apparently), not like that dirty Mariah Carey.
35. The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)
    I think this showed up on a BBC advert last year. I hadn't seen this video before, but I for one always think of a Brooklyn couple yelling at each other when I think of Christmas. And what a heartwarming ending.
36. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - The Power of Love
    Now here's a song that has nothing to do with Christmas. I mean the video would have you believe otherwise, but I'm pretty sure it just came out around Christmas. But yeah, these guys are no better than myriad X-Factor winners in terms of unChristmassy Christmas songs. However it is a good song so I will let them off.
37. The Killers - Don't Shoot Me Santa
    This is Sarah's favourite so I felt I had to include it. I wasn't too familiar with it but I'm listening to it now and it is pretty good. I love the little Brandon Flowers puppet. Apparently The Killers do a Christmas song every year, so good on them.
38. Jim Reeves - Silver Bells
    The first I heard of this song was Moe from The Simpsons singing it as he was put under anaesthetic before plastic surgery. It's lovely and very soothing. A song to have a bath to. At Christmas.
39. Barenaked Ladies feat. Sarah McLachlan - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings
    I was going to put up a choral version of God Rest Ye Merry but then I stumbled upon this and it's cooler. A very nice collision of voices, although it's a shame about the abrupt ending. Mr. Pratt was always sure to make clear that it's God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen, and not, in fact, God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen. The more you know!
40. Low - Just Like Christmas
    Every so often I like to have a quick peek at DrownedInSound.com, and every year there's a thread about 'indie' Christmas songs, and every year somebody mentions Low's Christmas album. After avoiding it for many Christmasses I decided to have a listen to one of the songs off it and, low and behold (sorry), it's quite good! I just can't decide if it's miserable or not. 
41. Thurl Ravenscroft - You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
    Six stanzas of unflinching character assassination later, I actually feel a little sorry for the Grinch. Bonus points for use of the term "heel", meaning 'villain'; I thought it came from professional wrestling but perhaps not.
42. Twisted Sister - Heavy Metal Christmas
    I was struggling to think of a heavy metal Christmas song so I YouTube searched 'Metal Christmas' and, lo and behold, this popped up. It's another spoof of 12 Days but never mind, it's unashamedly awesomely METAL enough not to matter. I hope I get 8 pentagrams for Christmas. And everyone knows Dee Snyder is a hero.
43. The Jackson 5 - Up On The House Top
    And if you've got a little excess testosterone after that last one, who better to fizzle it out than a prepubescent Michael Jackson? This does have an assfull of funk though, and that is some stone cold DRUMMING in the intro.
44. Dickie Valentine - Christmas Alphabet
    One of the earliest UK Christmas #1s (1955) and seemingly the first one that had all that much to do with Christmas. Sweet enough, but there only seem to be 9 letters in this guy's alphabet, and they're quite severely out of order. Plus two of them are S. Oh, hang on, it spells Christmas. Now I get it.
45. R.E.M. - Christmas Griping
    Okay, I was vaguely aware that R.E.M. gave everyone in their fanclub a special Christmas single around this time of year, but I'd never actually thought to listen to them. "Wouldn't you just love to throttle the person who invented fruit cake?" Oh my goodness. Surreal and hysterical. Love those "boom shaka-laka-laka ho ho ho!"s.
46. The Brute Chorus - (This Christmas) Bury Me In Hawaii
    But we have to remember that Christmas isn't always hilarious. Bringing the second third of our feature to a close, it's a song about hanging yourself. This is another one that Josh showed me, and it's so deliciously creepy, especially with the video. Additionally, check that moustache out! Wah!
47. King's College Choir - Once In Royal David's City
    Usually opens a proper Christmas church service. Sung as the choir files in, with one lucky boy singing the first verse solo. According to Mr. Pratt, nobody knows who the soloist is going to be until the event; apparently the choirmaster or whatever just picks one boy to do it on the spur of the moment. Choirmasters are dicks, it seems.
48. Andy Williams - It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
    Well, it is. You can't deny it. I really like the drumming in this one.
49. Hot Chocolate - Brand New Christmas
    Another one of the 101. I imagine most people know Hot Chocolate for steamy hit You Sexy Thing, but this song - about how "we need another Jesus" - is serious business. Seriously FUNKAY. It's funny because this song sounds more like Frankie Goes To Hollywood than the Frankie Goes To Hollywood Christmas song does.
50. The Pretenders - 2000 Miles
    God help me I do love Chrissie Hynde's voice. That first line is just golden. She can get a bit worked up over the rights of delicious animals, but she's forgiven just for this song and Don't Get Me Wrong.
51. Spitting Image - Santa Claus Is On The Dole
    So we've had robot Santas, Santas gone crazy, and the Nevada desert Santa who wants to kill Brandon Flowers for some reason, but here - for once - is a Santa Claus who isn't a psycho killer. It's a strangely human portrayal, actually, but it's nice to see that he's still jolly, in spite of poverty, elf suicide, and his reindeers being "sold for glue".
52. Wizzard - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday
    Oh go on then. It's still a good song, despite being second best. Actually, it's not even that - it didn't finish second to Slade in the chart race, it finished fourth. You know who actually came second? Gary Glitter. Fuck's sake Wizzard.
53. Mitch Benn - Thank God It Isn't Christmas Everyday
    And another thing, Wizzard: no, you don't wish it could be Christmas everyday. That would be awful. For reasons outlined here.
54. Manic Street Preachers - Last Christmas
    I've gone for this version over Wham! because James Dean Bradfield has a lovely voice and more people need to be made aware of it. This is pretty haunting actually, some delicious reverb on the louder notes. It is, however, a little grating when he says "stop me from tears" instead of "save me from tears". But that's my only complaint.
55. Chixie Dix - All I Want For Christmas Is To Be Jewish
    At this festive time of year it's important to remember that Christmas isn't the only option. Some people will be lighting Menorah instead of Advent candles, and looking forward to the visit of the Holiday Armadillo instead of Santa, and spinning dreidels instead of all of their money away on too many presents. So here is the tight-fisted Jew stereotype embodied in song form by some guys who are sick of "exchanging gifts that we don't even like". I like the extremely Jewish interjections ("Don't forget the gefilte fish!") but I don't like the slightly uncomfortable shot of a sausage getting circumcised with a cleaver, followed as it is by the leering visage of a pleased-looking Rabbi.
56. Destiny's Child - 8 Days Of Christmas
    Last 12 Days parody, I swear. Not sure why they shortened it to 8 days - 12 is divisible by 4 too, and would have fit the verse structure just fine, maybe they just ran out of lyrics - but it's a fine slice of Yuletide R&B nonetheless. Although it kills me that the "Doesn't it feel like Christmas?" section never resolves into "All the women who independent!"
57. Lisa Hannigan - Silent Night
    This was a hidden track on Damien Rice's first album (Lisa Hannigan being the lady who sang on quite a lot of his songs) and even though the lyrics are somewhat different it still reminds you of Christmas so into the pot it goes. I for one prefer Damien Rice's second album, 9.
58. Hoodoo Gurus - Tojo
    Not particularly Christmassy at first glance, but "Tracey, would you listen? This is Christmas!" gives it away. So yes it does count as a Christmas song, stop asking.
59. Radiohead - Winter Wonderland
    It's anyone's guess as to the origin of this, but I would hesitantly suggest that they probably played this live as some sort of special secret encore after most of the crowd had gone home and Thom Yorke had gotten slightly drunk. "We have been...the Smurfs."
60. The Royal Guardsmen - Snoopy's Christmas
    I've discovered a fair few gems while searching for stuff to fill the gaps in this list. I think this has something to do with The Christmas Truce of 1914 (that's the only time YouTube comments will actually be useful) but where it really scores points with me is with the reference to Snoopy's never-ending dogfight (sorry again) with The Red Baron.
61. Cliff Richard - Mistletoe & Wine
    I was torn between this and Saviour's Day, but in the end I decided that they were pretty much interchangeable and just flipped a coin.
62. Animaniacs - Noel
    Another churchy one, but I decided that I didn't want to give King's College Choir even more free exposure, so here is the 'terrible pun' version of this old favourite.
63. The Vandals - Oi! To The World
    It's a football hooligan Christmas! This was thrown up when I googled "punk christmas songs", and I was so surprised that it wasn't just a half-arsed parody of Joy To The World that I thought I'd bung it in. No Doubt seem to have covered it, but stick with the original; academics agree that "oi" and "pub" are words that Gwen Stefani really just ought to leave alone.
64. David Bowie & Bing Crosby - Little Drummer Boy
    Or "Carol of the Drum" as us brass band types know it. This is a lovely video, Bing Crosby seems so goshdarned nice. And David Bowie so goshdarned cockney.
65. John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
    Seems to appear as the opening track on pretty much every compilation it graces so I've left it 'til late in the list because I'm pretty anti-establishment like that. A lovely song, and for a long time the only John Lennon number I'd heard (why was Imagine so late to the party? Who knows.) but Christ alive think twice before you watch the video. Sobering stuff.
66. Bo Selecta - Proper Crimbo
    I'm guessing there's probably not much of a serious, anti-war message behind this one. Sarah suggested I include it, and I'd much rather listen to this than something featuring the real Craig David.
67. Frank Sinatra - Have Yourself A Merry Christmas
    Probably the only Christmas song that can reduce me to a sobbing wreck, and I suspect the power of the line about "faithful friends" to bring a tear to my eye will only increase what with everyone going to uni and such.
68. King's College Choir - O Come All Ye Faithful
    Oh fine, one more appearance from Da KC Kroo. Usually sang at the end of December church services, with more and more verses being sung every Sunday until, eventually, the whole thing gets an airing on the 25th. And of course it's impossible for those of a brass band and/or choir background - sorry to keep banging on about this sort of thing but it's my list, if you want to talk about Wizzard some more we'll do it on your blog - to imagine this song without the descant (high bit) at around the 2 minute mark.
69. Queen - Thank God It's Christmas
    And FINALLY! A golden number from Freddie Mercury and co. that, as far as I'm concerned, has to round off every Christmas playlist. Although having said that, it's probably best if you listen to it once a year, just before you go to bed on December 25th.

Well it's taken me three days or so to complete this so you'd best have all enjoyed at least a few of these songs. Hopefully I've covered most of the obvious Yule-musical bases but if I've missed out your favourite then do let me know and maybe I'll explain why your favourite's so crap.

Merry Christmas,
Joel.

*All the Biffy Clyro talk led to me having a dream about them. I was walking to uni one morning and, as I passed the CIA, I noticed that Biffy Clyro were doing a signing thing for their fans. I decided to try and get something signed for Cliffey, big fan that he is, but when I approached the table and handed a flyer to one of the band (they all looked like the beardy lead singer because he's the only one I know) he simply handed it back to me unsigned. Subsequent attempts were unsuccessful and I eventually left empty-handed. So fuck you, dream Biff!

Cutlery

I have often thought about the concept of Student Life, and I've long since decided that I'm not living it. I've never been drunk, and when I talk say that I'm going to town, I mean that I'll be in Spillers at about 3 in the afternoon buying a British Sea Power EP. Last year I lived in a proper student accommodation building; the latest I ever went to bed was 5.30am, after watching the extended version of Return of the King.

And I've not made any major changes this year. In fact, since Sarah's dad lent us the Town Called Eureka boxset, I've barely left the house at all. We have house parties occasionally, but I usually make myself fairly scarce, and will often slip off to bed before it's even past midnight.

So I'm really only a student insofar as I go to university and pay less at the cinema. But surely I'm the pale-skinned, seldom-seen recluse in a house otherwise full of drunken crazy people, right?

Man, I would hate that. But fortunately, I'm in very good company here. There were some rumours of a party on Sunday, but Gem is doing her best to squash those. Some of us have lectures on Monday morning. Gem is actually out on the town tonight, but after initiating a house-wide tidy on Saturday, she's earned it, bless 'er.

So who in this tidy, tidy house is living the Student Life? Cliffey was going out a lot, but now that JR and Andy have left, he seems to have lost his fresher's spirit. He's at work right now, but I'd wager that if he were at home he'd probably be watching Monsters Inc. then going to sleep. And more power to him for it. 

You might think that Pete is a more typical student, looking at the state of his room, but he's currently somewhere in Cornwall, probably dreaming about all the different rocks he'll be excavating tomorrow. And Pete never goes to clubs. He's more of a 'chicken burger at the pub quiz' kinda guy. 

Actually, I take that back. Pete did come to town with us that Saturday night a couple of weeks ago. But was that to experience some phat beats and dance himself into a K-hole? Were we there to bear witness to the sound of drum and bass? No. We were in CAI, waiting to see the Klezmer Kollectiv (which was awesome, by the way).

Soph...well Soph's not even a student. She likes a drink as much as anyone - probably a little more, in fact - but she almost always has to take her hangover to Boots with her the next day. Judging by the sounds that were coming through the wall, she and Alex were just catching up on The Inbetweeners, but I think they've gone to bed now. 

In case my stance on all this hasn't come across thus far, I love living here. It's awesome and exactly what I had hoped for. I don't want to drag myself around the stickier parts of central Cardiff until 4 in the morning; I want to have a chat with my friends, do the blog, and go to bed at a sensible hour. I may be old before my time, but to hell with Student Life - this is Joel Life.

Pete asked me a few weeks ago why I named this blog Cutlery. To be honest, there's no great backstory; I created this blog two days before moving into the house, and I didn't really know what sort of time I'd be having here yet. Having not even packed all of my stuff, all I knew about the house at that point was that it would contain me, several other people, and the things we brought with us. Our TVs, games consoles, guitars, glockenspiels, laptops, clothes, bedclothes, cuddly toys, pens, pencils, crockery, cutlery.

So that's all it was, and it wasn't easy turning it into a cheesy, faux-profound paragraph like that. But I have since discovered that cutlery has a surprisingly large bearing on life. Always on a knife-edge, trying to navigate forks in the road, and all the while trying to make time for some spooning.

And judging by the sounds now coming from the ceiling, Soph and Alex have just found time for a little forking. So before I tap out another cheesy, faux-profound paragraph, I shall sign off.

By the by, it's just gone 11pm and Sarah is asleep with her Mr. Bump plushie beside her as I type this. Obviously living in this house full of party animals has made no impression on her. 

Joel.

P.S. Sorry for the essay, I had intended today to just post a video here and leave it at that. But Blogger's video uploader failed me, so I had to improvise. Maybe tomorrow.

A Day In The Life

I started today wrapped in a duvet, and was reluctant to relinquish this favourable position. So, while Sarah had to drag herself to a 9am media lesson, I spent my morning on a comfortable sofa, still wearing my bed, and watching Shaun the Sheep on catch up with JR. There was one particularly sweet episode where he meets a lady sheep and everyone's a dick to them and then she gets taken away but then she doesn't leave because the dick sheep from earlier did a nice thing. It was very emotional and to tell the truth I was a bit misty-eyed at the end.

Which may lend some credence to Soph's theory that I've gone all soft and gay recently. Mind you, all I did to provoke this hypothesis was make a pair of foil-wrapped bagels for Sarah and me, and frankly if a man likes the odd bagel now and then and finds a woman of a similar disposition, why shouldn't they eat bagels together? Besides, Soph was supposed to be in work so her thoughts don't count, food poisoning or no food poisoning.

Sarah didn't eat her bagel anyway, 'cause by the time I met her outside Coleg she'd had a baguette, which I'm told is like a bagel but long instead of circular. But yeah, the plan for the afternoon was to head to Cardiff Bay, where Sarah would be taking some black and white photos as part of her photography course. While we waited for the teacher lady to arrive, we headed into the Millennium Centre, and was there an event going on in there. Kids from three different primary schools singing - and quite well, I might add - about how proud they are to be Welsh, to a big band/funk backing track. There was even a rap section, and I don't *think* the guy who manned it was from GLC, but he might as well have been. Anywho, the song was called something like 'Sing Out Loud', so try to find it if you can.

We eventually got to the photo-takin', and Sarah had been working so hard that I decided it was time for her to buy me a milkshake, so we went into Cadawalder's for a quick break. Unfortunately, Sarah had the SHEER GALL to take a photo in the shop without asking permission, and she was roundly chewed out by the rather curt lady on the till.

After this encounter we headed to a different café place in the bay - I forget the name - and I asked the lady there if they did milkshakes.

"We," she replied in a Russian-ish accent, "do frappés."

So I bought a Strawberries & Cream frappé with Sarah's money and we went back to wandering the bay. The rest of the two hours passed more or less without incident and, in the end, Sarah went back to Penarth for a dental appointment while I headed to the Atrium for my hour and a half of full-time education. I won't bore you with the details of my studio operating lecture - the highlight was the bit about using "positive bullshit" to get musicians in a studio to perform better - but I will tell you that the studio we were in is very nice and overlooks Adam Street, two floors below. You can see trains going past, and cars on their way to the bay via that mainish road that comes off near the Atrium.

All of which brought me back here, writing my blog on Cliffey's laptop because I still haven't worked out why mine won't work. Tonight we're going to The George for Tim's official send-off (he's actually not leaving 'til Sunday - I daresay he has some packing to do before then), and on returning from that I'll probably just go to bed.

What a life I lead.

Joel.

The Penarth Odyssey, or, A Too Long Story

Friday night presented us with two options:

1) Go to Josh & Richard's student flat. They were having a (slightly belated) housewarming do and I was curious to see how their digs compared to ours.

2) Go to Penarth. All the ex-Stanwellians were having a university send-off at The Railway, and who doesn't love the P-Town people?

It was a tough call, to the point where I couldn't decide and ended up doing both. So, after a somewhat hurried dinner of peri-peri chicken and potato smilies, Sarah and I headed for the bus stop.

We got to Penarth at about 8.45, having missed the bus we were aiming for. Our first bus decided that the bus station was too clichéd a destination and ended up somewhere near the library, which meant that we had to wait at the bus stop for half an hour while a drunk man told nobody in particular that he'd seen things they could never fucking dream of.

The Railway is a nice pub; even the bouncer who ID'd us was friendly and congratulated me on being from Liverpool. A few of the people present were a little sad at the prospect of losing their friends until Christmas, but the mood in general was fairly buoyant. I had a conversation with Frazer and Ollie about how good Green Man was, and I was shocked - shocked! - to learn that they didn't watch The Flaming Lips, opting instead to laze around in their wet tent. Such behaviour should not be tolerated at festivals.

After a sojourn to Tesco's where Sarah bought me a chocolate muffin (delicious if slightly stale having been on the shelf all day), the two of us went back to the pub to say our goodbyes before heading back to Cardiff. I bumped into my former music technology mentor James Clarke, who regaled me with his tales of music production in LA, and when we eventually left we took Hannah and Fone with us. The plan was to get a bus from Penarth to Cardiff Central, then another from there to my parent's house, which was just around the corner from Josh & Rich's new place.

That was the plan. We managed to get the first bus easily enough, with Sarah spotting the other two a fiver so that they could get day to go tickets. We arrived in Cardiff without event, but I soon realised that I had no idea where the other bus we needed went from. We waited, shivering, on Westgate Street for a good while, until a bald-headed club bouncer took pity on us and informed us that no buses would be coming that way tonight. We headed to another bus stop, but the timetable informed us that we had missed the last bus.

So we walked. Sarah and I were cold, and we were wearing jumpers, so I can only speculate as to how Hannah and Fone felt, dressed as they were for a night out.

Eventually we saw the lights of the YMCA, which meant that we were nearly there. And then, when our long journey seemed at an end...

...I managed to take us the wrong way. I should point out that this was in Roath, the area where I've lived for the last seven years. The error was easily corrected, but I felt like The Biggest Dick. If the incident with Tom on the way to Penarth wasn't enough warning, this should really hammer it home: do NOT allow me to navigate. Anywhere.

At any rate, we somehow found our way to the flat, and it is very nice indeed. More space than ours, and a lot cleaner. Having said that, there are only two people there at the moment, and the mess here is more than made up for by the sense of family unity. N'aaawh.

So yeah, it wasn't a house party by any stretch of the imagination, more a gathering, but it was nice. We had a healthy discussion about our favourite Bond themes (I'm not sure of mine but On Her Majesty's Secret Service is very cool), and there was a whiteboard for guests to doodle on.

The highlight, however, was the Man and WoMan Points charts that Josh made. They're up in my room at the moment and they look like this:

The competition is now on. Points will be awarded based on the whims of me and Pete and anyone else who feels the need to contribute.

Tim is already ahead for winning a game of Pretty Fuckin' Gayopoly last night, and Pete will be getting some points too for going all in on the Lottery space and, Rudyard Kipling-style, losing it all.

I'm already in the minuses for being appalling at Fifa '10.

Joel.