Friday, 25 March 2011

#100

Welcome to Cutlery's 100th Post Extravaganza. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my traffic sources - the websites who have brought so many thousands of readers to me via their generously-placed hyperlinks. To name but a few of them:

moredietplan.com
emailtray.com
remroom.ru
informationaboutmesothelemia.com

And, of course, many others. Thanks one and all.

Now, to celebrate this massively momentous milestone, here is something I wanted to do ages ago but never got 'round to:

Cutlery - Character Bios

The Core 8

Thom Cliffe
Ever the chirpy cheerful one, Cliffey spends his time working the bar at The Black Griffin, playing video games, and not doing philosophy essays. He will not be afraid to tell you when he disagrees with you, but since he supports Everton FC all of his opinions are automatically void.

Joel Dear
Dashing and witty, Joel is both the author and main protagonist of Cutlery, and is beloved by all for his writing exploits. Critics have always been particularly impressed by his unbiased style. Studies popular music, and is not afraid to remind his housemates of this fact by playing the mandolin at small numbers in the morning.

Peter Murphy
Formerly lauded as "the greatest thing to happen to evil since Tom Waits' voice broke", Pete's attitude towards wrong-doing seems to have become somewhat ambivalent lately. Perhaps all those slugs he killed back in the first month left him jaded, because he's traded in taking over the world for the vague thud of drum 'n' bass filtering through the kitchen ceiling. Nonetheless, he is worth keeping an eye on, even if nowadays he tends to carry out his murders on a computer instead of via hoards of loyal henchmen.

Sophie Jones
If you've ever been to a pub quiz in Cardiff, you've probably already met the artist formerly known as SoJo. Aside from her tireless work with Team DanGuy, she is also a regular at a number of karaoke sessions and club nights around town. Her car, Patsy, used to be a pretty key member of our team, but since Alex learned to drive nobody's really seen inside the little Seicento. Perhaps she's using it as some sort of drug greenhouse.

Gemma-Alecsandra Ward
Little is known about the occupant of Chez Awesome's master bedroom. She studies journalism, and Joel occasionally claims to have seen her around uni, but these reports are unconfirmed and their supplier unreliable. We just know that she likes it clean around here.

Sarah Macleod
As Joel's girlfriend and resident bodacious babe, Sarah has established herself as pretty much a permanent fixture around Tewkesbury Place, even going so far as to pay some of the bills. She can often be found taking pictures with her top-of-the-range camera, although those who see her photos often complain that she isn't in them.

Alex Smith
Alex is Sophie's boyfriend. They met at Boots and fell head-over-heels in love, perhaps because all of those Durex products are kind of a turn-on. He loves Chinese food and hugs. Here he is dressed as a penguin.

Joshua Robson
It's a good indicator of JR's character that he's managed to hold his position in The Core Eight in spite of living  about 250 miles away from Tewkesbury Place. His other achievements include being named Ultimate Man of 2010 through a combined strategy of muttonchops and dirty pints. His mum writes a food-based blog, which incidentally is another one of Cutlery's traffic sources.

The Rest

Thomas Bonelle
Tom will be an official resident of 6 Tewkesbury Place next year, but frankly we probably won't notice the difference because he's around so much already. Works for GE and has a prodigious talent for making Joel and Cliffey behave like lads. Inexplicably single, so give him a call, ladies!

Meic Haran
Often found watching hilarious YouTube videos in Pete's room, Meic, with his girlfriend just down the road, is another one who might as well live here. He also has the honour of being Chez Awesome's Best Pizza Delivery Person In The Universe Of All Time, because hopefully after reading this he'll give us some kind of special discount.

Joshua Price
That t-shirt he's wearing is that of a band called Suckers. Josh has seen them, and lots of other bands, live, and we've all seen him live a fair few times, too. He's the hitwriter who brought you airwave-conquering gems like 'Mountain Man', 'Famous Men', and 'The Knob Song'. 

Robin Tamlyn
Together with Pete and Meic, he forms some sort of spaced-out triumvirate, and on most nights you're likely to witness the three of them trudging back and forth between Pete's bedroom and the back door, outside which they all like to enjoy a cigarette and a natter.

I've probably missed out a few worthies & notables but these are the faces you're most likely to see around the house on any given day/night. I probably should have included Gaz, but I couldn't find any photos so nuts to 'im.

Joel.

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