Glancing earlier over the pile of junk mail that's currently carpeting our hallway I came across an envelope addressed to someone named "Fang Fang". This is the second piece of post that Fang Fang has received, and frankly it's starting to worry me.
And my worry is that there's a vampire in the house. You always hope the landlord will fill you in on things like this before you move in, but I guess the sell just comes first nowadays.
Even the letter's sender - S.P. Spyrou - has a pretty vampiric name. Spyrou & Co. claim to be chartered accountants but I suspect this is a cover for some sort of vampire cult. Spyrou is probably head vampire, and is trying to inform our lodger that the time has come to rise up and purge humanity from the Earth's wretched face. In which case humanity is damned lucky that I intercepted this.
But where is he/she/it (there's not even a 'Mr.' or 'Miss' or anything on the envelope; it just says "Fang Fang") hiding? There aren't exactly a wealth of hiding places in this house, and even if Fang Fang were taking refuge in the garage then Pete and Meic would probably have noticed him by now.
Or maybe they already have. Pete has started putting candles out there now - he bought a pack from Spar just yesterday - so perhaps he's befriended our undead stowaway and he's trying to make the atmosphere out there a little more Gothic for him.
I think that's probably it. So the only question that remains is thus: is "Fang Fang" a full name (first name Fang, second name Fang, like the Mario brothers)? Or maybe vampires don't have surnames, maybe they just have these aptronymic, one-word-twice titles.
Like Bam Bam from the Flintstones.
Joel.
No comments:
Post a Comment