Dolphins: The Rapists of the Sea

Bristol was awesome, as 0o gy9fgujgkghkj

Let me try that again. Bristol was awesome, as Bristol always is, particularly on a day as sunny as today. I spent far too much money in Fopp, as I always do, particularly when I can actually kind of afford it.

However, given the Slutwalk that was happening in Cardiff today (not that I knew about that, I was in Bristol), I think I have a more relevant topic to discuss in today's entry.

Sarah and I went to my parents' house this evening to enjoy some dinner and chat, and not for the first time my acute fear of ostriches was brought to the table. I was, not for the first time, trying coolly to explain that it's a perfectly rational phobia and screw it I'm just going to quote WikiHow again:

"An ostrich attack...is straight out of Jurassic Park. Like that movie's velociraptors, ostriches are fast--they can run at up to 45 mph--and they have a sharp nail on each of their feet that is capable of slicing a person open with one kick. Unlike velociraptors, however, an ostrich can reach more than nine feet tall and 350 pounds."  

Anyway, I was trying to persuade everyone else of the above facts when my brother Nathan suggested that dolphins were a more sensible animal to fear than ostriches. Naturally we all disagreed, pointing out that dolphins rescue drowning humans and, in my mother's words, "swim with autistics", when Nathan shut us all up my claiming that dolphins are the only animals capable of rape.

Wow. We were momentarily stunned, but before long our juices started flowing again and we collectively remembered all the times that we've seen a boy pigeon trying to get his bone on with a girl pigeon who isn't that keen. And does that even count as rape? Can animals give consent?

Eventually we decided to disregard Nathan's theory, and having just had a look on the internet the evidence behind it seems pretty flimsy. I did, however, uncover this little gem on Wikipedia:

"Problems with encouraging pandas to mate in captivity have been very common. However, showing young male pandas 'panda pornography' is widely credited with a recent population boom among pandas in zoos."

How we laughed.

Joel.

P.S. Another thing we were discussing over our steaks was the kind of monastery (don't ask) populated entirely by monks keeping a vow of silence. When asked if they still existed, my dad replied "yes", and I added, "But they're very hush hush." I was embarrassed at the time but, in retrospect, I'm quite pleased with that.