Glastonbury Weekend

FRIDAY


As I ran from the stock room at 11am, taking the stairs three at a time, my thoughts turned to the long weekend that stretched ahead of me. Some people would be enjoying U2 tonight, but I was more exciting at the prospect of spending the night in Gem's room.

Except it was now my room. Gem had hastily and unexpectedly moved out on Thursday morning, and Sarah and I were quick to capitalise on this and increase our living space by about 150%. We had planned just to gradually start moving our stuff in, but of course we couldn't resist and ended up going all-out. I spent Thursday night in the master bedroom, surrounded by my wonderful possessions (mandolin, iPod dock, cuddly toys, etc.)

So anyway, after finishing work at Next on Friday I headed to Sturff, and after Sturff we went to TGI Friday's. I had recently finished stomping Tom in our one-on-one Fantasy Football league (I have Carlos Tevez to thank for that, mostly - perhaps I should send him an email) and, as we had agreed, he now had to buy me a meal. I had a lovely, expensive steak, and everyone had a great time. Except perhaps for Cliffey, who discovered that some girl he had a past with and now could barely bring himself to speak to was on the payroll at TGI's and happened to have a shift that evening.

Oh well. Later on, we kicked back with a head-shaving session*, a midnight visit to Tesco, and a great big washing-up session. Operation Polaris produced great results, but such things do not last in a student house, even if there are only three people officially living there now.

SATURDAY


Colorama are a local-ish band who sound a bit like the Super Furry Animals and whose new album I picked up from Spillers on Valentine's Day, more or less on a whim after listening to bits of it on their CD listening post. Today, they were scheduled to play a free set at The Old Library as part of Spillers 'Saturday Sessions' thing.

I was mildly excited, and while Sarah had to be in Next that afternoon, I had convinced Cliffey to check it out with me...that is, until it transpired that Colorama had traded the bustle of Saturday afternoon in Central Cardiff for the rather more bustling bustle of Saturday afternoon at the Glastonbury festival. Typical.

Their slot at The Old Library was to be filled by a band called Houdini Dax, to whom I feel I owe a little publicity because I know two of them personally - David and Jack are both on the pop music course - and yet decided, not for the first time, that I couldn't be bothered to go and watch. So click on this link, watch the videos, buy their album, send them naked photos, and generally do whatever it takes to bail me out, karmically speaking.

Still, I would not let the whole day slide by without taking in a little live music. So while thousands of people were enjoying Coldplay and wondering who that psychy Welsh band from earlier were, Sarah and I were listening to Mr. John Grant, for Czars frontman and the brain behind Mojo's album of 2010.

And, in spite of a few technical problems**, his set was fantastic. Most of his songs were backed by nothing more than a baby grand piano and a synthesiser, and The Gate made a pretty cool venue for it all, being more of a theatre than a club or concert hall.

The support act, Daughter, were good too. I got their EP and had it signed, although sadly the cardboard sleeve did get slightly bent in Sarah's rucksack. Oh well.

SUNDAY


Tom stayed over on Saturday night, and in the morning I was told that while I was falling asleep halfway through Megamind***, he and Cliffey had popped to the Kismet for a late-night curry. And guess who was there, chomping on poppadoms after another hard shift at TGI's?

Anywho, once we had all woken up and gotten dressed, the four of us (Sarah, Tom, Cliffey and myself) went into town to find costumes for our upcoming Pokémon party. It was a scorchingly hot day, and after stickly circumnavigating the city centre for an hour or so, we retired to Varsity for some food and a few cold drinks.

Which was lovely apart from the bit where I ordered some sort of complicated mocktail and the lady on the counter had to go and see if they had the necessary ingredients. Whilst awaiting her return, I thought it would be a great idea to perch myself on the bar - literally sit on the bar - and in doing so I knocked the Chip & PIN machine onto the floor, with surprising velocity. Imagine the launcher in a pinball machine, and replace the ball with maybe £25 per month of hi-tech gadgetry, and the launcher bit with my fat fuckin' ass.

I was roundly ridiculed, but hey, the virgin colada was nice.

And so, as several thousand people were realising that Kelly and Michelle would not, in fact, be making an appearance, Sarah and I rounded off the weekend by watching Catch Me If You Can, which we both agreed was awesome.

And now it's Monday, and Sarah's in work, and I'm sweating a lot and typing this blog and tomorrow morning I have work too.

Oh well. At least we know who our new housemate will be. More on that tomorrow.

Joel.

* Not my head. Meic's and Cliffey's.

** At the start of one song, he started singing into a second, thus far unused, microphone, which added a very distant-sounding effect to his voice. Which I thought was cool until he stopped and made an annoyed face, at which point I realised that the mic wasn't turned on.

*** Sarah had to fill me in the following morning. I won't spoil for you, but it all sounds very exciting. And for once I managed to guess an important plot point.

Cliffey's Card

"Yo CLIFFEY! Happy BIRTHDAY!"

Sorry to make three consecutive posts on the topic of Cliffey's 20th, but hey, that's what's been happening lately and besides, this should be the last one.

"Enjoy Everton!"

And the matter up for discussion this time is his present. This coming Saturday, myself and Tom will be escorting Cliffey up to Liverpool to watch Everton and Aston Villa duke it out for the title of Most Mid-Table Team in the Premiership. Cliffey was already aware of this plan - we had to make sure he kept the day free and didn't, say, go to Swansea - but as it was his birthday present we thought it would be nice to give him the tickets in a lovely birthday card with some sort of thoughtful message.

"I hope they lose 5-0."

So after work Tom collected first me from the Atrium then Sarah from Coleg Glan Hafren and the three of us proceeded to Tom's house so that he could change out of his work clothes. While he got on with that, Sarah and I played with his dog, Molly (who has grown substantially since last I saw her). She seemed wary of us at first - perhaps dogs hate green hoodies? - but soon we earned her trust and she shook our hands and let us stroke her and tried to hump me in spite of having recently been spayed.

"But they won't, 'cos we're there!"

After...that, we went to Tesco to a) get the card, and b) buy something for tea. We entertained the idea of buying him a "Happy Birthday, Grandad!" card just to make him feel really old, or perhaps an "It's A Baby Boy!" card just for the Dada value (no pun intended). But eventually we played it simple and got him a nice blue "Happy Birthday, Brother!" card, big enough to write loads of lovey-dovey crap in.

"Because that really worked for Hereford."

We got chicken and potato waffles for tea.

"DON'T RUIN THIS JOEL IT'S CLIFFEY'S BIRTHDAY!"

On returning home, we handed Cliffey the card, with which he was overjoyed, although I have a sneaking suspicion he might not have liked it as much had it not contained three tickets to an Everton match. Later on, Tom came back to the house, as did JR and "Dave from work", and they played FIFA long into the night. But I've learned not to take such risks. Sarah and I went to bed and watched Despicable Me, lest I should once again be beaten 5-0 and have to apologise on Facebook.

"Fuck you Tom."

Joel.

So Much For Lent

Yeah, I missed a day when I had solemnly resolved not to, but in my defense the computer seems to have come out in sympathy of the striking lecturers a couple of days early. So the possibility of a blog entry materialising yesterday was nulled by BSoDs, non-boots, flashing white hyphens, and people coming to the house and distracting me.

Still, as much as I want to tell you about a) JR and Hannah Tucker's attempts to best me at Mario Party, and b) our trip to Tesco with Tom in the evening, I have decided instead to discuss the impromptu visit of Sam Rees a couple of days prior, as I said I would on Facebook. If you're wondering about those other two things, a) they didn't, and b) he bought an extra-large pick 'n' mix and a copy of Nuts.

So Sam Rees spent Sunday night in our living room, and though I have gathered that he went to the pub quiz at the Cottage, I'm still unclear as to why he was down in the first place. He's gone back to Swansea now, as far as I'm aware, so it's not like he's finished for Easter or anything. Maybe he did just come down for the quiz.

I was surprised to see Sam in the house, as I think were we all. But we were all amiable to him - we haven't seen him in a while, and we all have our long, lonely nights spent longing for him to barge in and say something silly - with the exception of Pete.

Pete wandered into the living room at some small number a.m. and presumably saw Sam resting on the airbed. He was heard to exclaim, quite simply, "YOU!", before unleashing a lightning tirade of kung-fu pain upon his arch-nemesis. It took the combined strengths of myself, Sarah and Cliffey to peel him off, and as we dragged him back up to his room he cursed Sam to the last. Not everything he said was completely intelligible, but suffice it to say that the words 'vendetta', 'purge', and 'divine right' were all being thrown about.

This didn't actually happen, but I do distinctly remember mentioning that it would have been both cool and hilarious.

Joel.

P.S. In case you're wondering if our computer has recovered...no, it hasn't. I'm typing this in the Mac lab in uni.

Should Have Gone To Heli-Beds

It's fair to say that Tom, Cliffey and myself enjoy a spot of football now and then.

We usually satiate our soccerlust by playing various editions of FIFA, cheering on our fantasy teams on the Sky Sports website, and occasionally even going to Varsity to actually watch a game.

Last week, however, we decided to step it up a notch.

We decided that we would go to a proper football ground and watch a proper football match like proper fans.

The hard part was deciding which team to see. Cliffey lobbied for Everton vs. Blackpool, but the tickets would have been expensive, and the journey long. And I wasn't too keen on taking a pew in Goodison Park anyway.

Perhaps, then, we could go and see Cliffey's other team, Huddersfield Town, in action? They were in Exeter this weekend, and though Devon was a fair jaunt away, it would surely be a grand day out.

But no, too far. So we eventually settled for Hereford United vs. Lincoln City; Tom had family in Hereford, and as such he'd been to a few of their games before. He promised cheap and plentiful tickets and a relatively short drive. Plus, in all the games he'd gone to, he'd never seen his beloved United score a goal, so that would be nice for him.

So on Saturday morning we set off. Cliffey and I made it fairly clear that the music we wanted to listen to didn't feature anyone from N-Dubz, and so it was a relatively pleasant drive. We stopped at Tesco to get some food for the road, and my insistence that real men didn't buy pre-made sandwiches lead to rather a lot of crumbs in Tom's car. This is mostly due to my method: tearing off chunks of french bread and wrapping them in slices of discount ham, while tasty, is admittedly a slightly flawed way of doing things if you want to keep the surrounding area tidy.

A couple of hours and many, many jokes about Hereford later we arrived at Edgar Street. It took us a while to find a parking space - it must have been peak time at Heli-Beds - but we eventually found a spot, paid our £14, squeezed through the turnstile, and took our place at the side of the pitch.

Unfortunately, in spite of all the sportsmanship ("Booooooooo! Ya fat shit!"), witty and creative chants ("Come on Hereford!") and the opportunity to be amongst other people who really appreciate fantastic football ("What a shit kick!"), the game ended 0-0 so it was a bit of a waste of time really.*

But in spite of this dull performance**, we still enjoyed ourselves. Which just goes to show that the joy is in the journey, not whatever it is you're going for.

Unless you're on your way to any match that doesn't involve Hereford United. The Huddersfield and Everton matches were both veritable goalfests, with Huddersfield thumping Exeter 4-1, and Everton coming from 3-2 down to beat Blackpool 5-3 in what was probably a very exciting match.

And, to top it off, Tom has still yet to see his favourite West Country team score. On the plus side, he did get to drown his sorrows in an ice cream sundae and some illegal salad at Harvester afterwards, so he was in a good mood for the Mario Party 2 drinking game.

More on that another time.

Joel.

*The 'official' sources will tell you that Lincoln won 1-0 but I was looking at my programme when the 'goal' was 'scored'  so as far as I'm concerned it was goalless. The BBC, as well as both clubs' official websites will tell you otherwise, but you know what? I was there.

**The only one who was really making any effort at all was the old man running back and forth with half-time snacks. He was a HERO.

The 6th Post of January

To hell with this month. I'll get back on track in February. At the moment I'm sat in the Atrium library, I've just handed in my composition assignment, in about half an hour I'll have to start finishing off my theory assignment, and hopefully that'll be done before 2 because I have a theory exam then. And also I haven't showered all week.

But on the plus side Sarah, Cliffey, Tom and myself are going to The Harvester tonight to celebrate Sarah's birthday (admittedly somewhat prematurely). And then we're going to Tesco's to do another humongous food shop because, once again, our student loans have come through.

But don't think that I've been saving that stack of money money for this big end-of-week bonanza tonight, oh no. Sarah and I went to Nando's on Monday night, and followed it up with a popcorn sundae and Oreo milkshakes at TGI Friday's for pudding. And then last night...we did more or less exactly the same thing. I could pretend that I'm going a bit nuts this week as a treat and from next week on I'll go into "prudent" mode, but it's hard to keep a lie alive through a mouthful of chicken and ice cream.

Also, we've discovered - and this is a REVELATION - that you can make milkshakes IN THE HOME. Oh my. It started when I tried out my French coconut syrup (my parents went to Paris for their wedding anniversary and brought me back a bottle), and we all thought that was so delicious that we ought to try some other flavours.

So Sarah, Cliffey and myself hit the kitchen on Wednesday (it was raining, we were bored, it was something to do), armed with ice cream, milk, and a bunch of different treats to blend. Here are my brief reviews of all the results:

Sarah's Oreo Milkshake: Under-milky
Cliffey's Magic Star & Mint Milkshake: Over-minty
Joel's Jaffa Cake Milkshake: Wrong-way-up
Cliffey's Curry Powder Milkshake: Suspiciously bearable
Sarah's Oreo Milkshake (2nd Attempt): Almost TGI quality
Cliffey's Other Milkshake: Can't remember what was in it
Joel's Sugar Puff Milkshake: Well I liked it.

That's all for now - theory calls - but if this has whet your appetite for milkshake-related blog entries, here's one from the archives that you might enjoy.

Joel.

Your Daddy's Car

I don't think I made a note of it at the time so I'll mention it now: Xander, Cliffey's car, passed on to the Great Tesco Car Park in the Sky. Some time ago, actually. If you didn't already know this, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I told Cliffey to mention it on The Xander Appreciation Society's Facebook page, but I don't think he did. It's a sad state of affairs - he should be able to get a new car with the insurance money, but it obviously won't be the same. And there's always a hint of tragedy in his voice when he says he's going to get the bus to work.

So rest in peace, Xander. You were one of my favourite places to listen to the Klezmer Kollectiv.

Why do I bring this up now, I hear you ask between your heaving sobs? Because we made a trip to big Tesco's last night in a different car, and it was an unmitigated disaster.

Well, that might be a little strong. But I'm sure it would have gone better in Xander.

Sarah, Josh and I had just seen LCD Soundsystem and Hot Chip at the CIA (a real slayer of a gig, I might add, particularly All My Friends), and had come back to a house with Tom in it. An average Friday night. Once I had recovered from a) the gig, and b) the walk home, Cliffey and I turned on the N64 and did another Royal Rumble on No Mercy. I won with Kane - Cliffey's really not very good at Royal Rumbles - and was all ready to call it a night when the decision was made to head to Tesco's for a late night shop.

So we piled into Tom's car (which I think is called Shaniqua) - me, Sarah, Soph, Cliffey, and of course Tom - and set off. Pete wanted to come to, offering to ride in the boot, but we decided that was a bad plan and, given what followed, that was probably a good shout.

We were somewhere near Roath Lake, getting our collective groove on to my Destiny's Child album, when suddenly Tom shut the music off and pulled over. I initially protested at this abrupt silence, but soon shut up when I realise that we'd been pulled over by the police.

The blue lights echoed in the rear window. We sat silently and waited for judgement.

Turns out Tom had just forgotten to look before going across a junction or something. The fuzz were soon on their way again, but it was a nerve-jangling experience while it lasted. The police have never seemed scarier*, what with their uniforms and their questions and the fact that it's kind of hard to see their faces when you're in the back seat and they're standing outside the driver's window.

Of course, the fear was somewhat nullified when we saw another policewoman, in full uniform, trying to choose between fried eggs and hot lips at the pick 'n' mix in Tesco. A fun moment.

Tom, probably still a little shook up from the police incident, drew further criticism at the self-service checkouts. One of the shop assistants apparently told him:

"Hurry up, I know what you kids are like."

Charming. The expedition wasn't a total cropping fail - I did get a nice loaf of tiger bread, and we discovered the existence of the Yumberry, which is cool - but as I say, it probably would have gone better in Xander.

Joel.

*To me, anyway; I think everyone else in that car was fairly certain that we weren't going to get arrested. I just have a slightly over-active imagination, and am extremely naive.

Pyjamas

Yesterday was officially a pyjama day, as all Sundays should be. I did put my clothes on briefly, to go to the Co-Op and buy some food, but I wasted no time in getting re-changed upon returning.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure you're all wondering how Sarah and I spent our half-anniversary. We went to her "actual" home in Swanbridge on Friday night, where we watched some Old Grey Whistle Test archives before turning in for the night. Sarah had work on Saturday, and I went along with her - I did many a food run to Tesco, and no we're not obsessed with food. After closing the shop, we hopped on a bus and headed back to the middle of Cardiff for dinner. We went to Bella Italia, and had a pizza each, then went to TGI Friday to share a toffee popcorn sundae for dessert.

We were very full.

So yesterday wasn't the most active day either of us have ever had. Our trip to the supermarket aside, we watched A Town Called Eureka, did some laundry, watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off, ate some fish goujons, watched Looking For Eric, and went to bed.

Sarah didn't want to watch Looking For Eric; we came in about halfway through Cliffey's viewing of it and watched a bit of it and Sarah got quite worked up about how much of a dick the bad guy was, so I insisted that we watch it 'til the end so that she could see him get his comeuppance. It was awesome.

Some of the others went to the pub quiz, but we refused to go with them because we would have had to leave our pyjamas again. It's not like they won or anything.

The other housemates might get more of a mention tomorrow. Except for Pete, who's gone on another trip.

Joel.

Cliffey visits a value supermarket

Today's reading is taken from the Book of Tesco.

Cliffey took his friends to Tesco that they might do a big shop, for the wares there were low of price and moderately good of quality. Cliffey, Joel, Sarah and Pete were those who went. In the midst of the big shop Cliffey and Pete left to take Andy, known to Cliffey as a fellow disciple of St. John, into the town of Cardiff. During this period, Joel and Sarah were left to wonder the shop alone, steering both Joel's trolley and Cliffey's trolley. While Cliffey was away, Joel and Sarah put a coconut in his trolley, and Cliffey saw that the jest was good, and the coconut, being of modest price, was bought.

In the aisle of toys and other such leisures, Sarah came upon a Mr. Bump plush, and said "I love this Mr. Bump plush, for he is soft and huggable," and with some nudges and suggestion from Pete, Joel came to buy the plush for Sarah. And lo, he was blessed with packets of custard powder for 6 pence.

In the aisle of herbs, spices and marinades, Pete did express his disdain for Joel's choice of marinade. He did say that lemon & herb is ungodly and that a more flavoursome sauce wouldst be more enjoyable, suggesting BBQ chicken. Joel didst retort that he would stick with the lemon and herb, and maybe even use it on a fish dish rather than chicken. And from Pete there came much wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

In the aisle of canned goods, Cliffey did find an inexpensive-looking can of curry sauce. He enquired as to its price and was told by Joel that the price was 8 pence. "I must buy ten!" Cliffey exclaimed, and he did fill his arms. 

In the cake aisle the Devil did appear to Sarah and she were sore tempted by his rich chocolate celebration cakes for under two pounds. But Joel did chide his woman for her temptation and they ended up getting a microwavable chocolate brownie thing instead. It was not the best. 

Joel was enjoying the benefits of a student loan, and his trolley was filled with crisps, and blackcurrant high juice, and two for one bagels, and salmon burgers, and tiger bread, and crumpets, and sausages, and value yoghurt, and biscuits, blank CDs, and Fairy liquid, and apple crumble, and seafood sticks, and peanut butter, and Ricicles, and Tesco's Finest yoghurt, and a Toy Story CD for Cliffey, and tuna, and drinking chocolate, and many bags of pasta, and several other things, and the whole bunch did cost fifty-two pounds and sixty-six pence, but keep in mind that this included a ten pound Mr. Bump plushie so in reality this figure is slightly skewed.

Upon returning home, Cliffey did have a torrid time trying to fit all his purchases in his small cupboard. But, with God's help and some Tetris-like re-arranging, he did accomplish this. "This stock shall surely last me some weeks," he did declare. And Tim, who was about, did enquire as to whether Joel had purchased a marker pen that he might start chalking up the man points. And the answer that came was no, and Tim said "verily, thou art a div."

P.S. The guy from Lostprophets was there.

Sharments

A correction. Yesterday's blog was not quick; it was in fact quite long.

Another correction. It's Klezmer Kollectiv, not Kolectiv. Two L's. Sorry.

And now, a bullet point blog!

THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

• The main Thing That Happened Today was that we went to Tesco. This was mostly so that Cliffey could exchange his trousers and do a big food shop, but other people bought things too. Pete bought a Blur compilation and 10 frankfurters. Sarah bought a cheesecake and some juice. Anna Sharp, who came along, exchanged several bags of shrapnel for a crisp new £10 note (and some more shrapnel). And I bought four iced buns and a Flump. It was a good trip. One funny thing was that Cliffey picked up a bottle of high juice and attempted to 'flare' with it. He dropped it. We even bought a brand new bin! It has a lid and everything. I put it on and pretended to be a spaceman. Sarah later did the same but one of the builders outside our house told her she looked more like a toilet.
• On the way back from Tesco we got lost and ended up driving through Pentwyn. This was unfortunate, and resulted in our getting stuck in even more traffic, but it was good in that it meant we got to listen to the Klezmer Kollectiv for another fifteen minutes or so. 
• Before any of this, I met Sarah at Coleg Glan Hafren and she bought us chips on the way home. We ate them with bread and butter. They were very nice. Cliffey had one.
• While Sarah was in college, I ambled over to Chez Payne in order to pick up my drum certificate (if you read yesterday's instalment then you'll know that I passed grade 8 with merit). As it turns out, I got a better score than my teacher, who did the grade 8 exam on the same day! The student becomes the master. On my way there, I listened to Manowar's seminal Kings of Metal album, which is very good apart from a song called Pleasure Slave which is a bit sexist.
• This evening we watched quiz programmes and fell in love with a man named Gerry on The Weakest Link. He didn't get to the final but we all felt that he should have.
• After that Sarah decided to get another pizza from Domino's. We were going to walk but then Cliffey offered us a lift. We parked outside the Co-op and discovered a secret back entrance! We were amazed. While we were waiting in Domino's, the three of us compared the cards in our wallets. I won because I had a shiny Charizard.
• Strictly speaking, this is not a Thing That Happened Today, but I feel that it is worth mentioning anyway. When Cliffey was going to work yesterday, somebody crashed into his car. He was not best pleased because Xander has just come out of the car hospital and now this happens. He got the other guy's insurance details though so that's good.
• Pete just called Cliffey a nigger over a game of Robot Wars: Arenas of Destruction.
• Speaking of Pete, he acquired the internet today. He and Meic ran a cable from the router in Gemma's room to the PC in Pete's room. I am now the only non-connected house member, and that includes Sarah, whose iPod gets the friggin' internet. 
• Sarah would also like me to point out that she beat me at Tekken six times earlier. Six times in a row. 
• Gemma is not going to be working for a while as she has bad hands.

I think that's everything so I'll see you tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed Joel Writes Like An Autistic Day. Normal service resumes tomorrow.

Joel.